We need to start killing m*n

The origin of Zumizo, the misandrist.

Hello, our wonderful newsletter audience. Welcome to Giggles and Gele, a space where women get to be themselves without the prying eyes of men (if you’re reading this newsletter as a man, close your eyes)

This week, on ShegeChronicles, we will be sharing the first heartbreak that shaped our dear Zimuzo into who she is today. Fasten your gele, grab a popcorn, sit back, relax and let’s get into we need to start killing men, according to Zimuzo

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Let me first start by saying I think we should start killing men, and I will say it with my full chest anywhere, anytime. If I hear not all men here, I will wake up in the midnight to swear for you. Yes, this is coming from a place of pain and heartbreak, and so what?

I’ve always been an hopeless romantic, or maybe that’s just what I like to tell myself so that nobody will come and say i’m delulu. I will never forget Gbenga, the first man I ever cried over. Gbenga and I were friends, right from junior secondary school, but because I was in another relationship back then, Gbenga and I did not date(nobody should ask Zimuzo why she was having this kind of relationship problem in ss1, she’s just a girl)

I don’t know where or how Gbenga finally got the confidence to ask me out in ss2, but as the faithful girlfriend I was, I told Gbenga that I was in a relationship, purr. Gbenga was really hurt, and he wrote me a note. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, after reading that note, I suddenly began to fall in love with Gbenga.

As the nice girl that I am, I decided to set my boyfriend free. I told him I wanted to focus on my studies (which was not entirely a lie). Over the months, Gbenga kept sending me love notes, he would call me his queen and me being the stupid girl that I am was, I would be giggling and kicking my feet in the air. I was so sure Gbenga would be my future husband. My friends, especially Oluebube, would laugh at me while I composed E-mails for my love, yes, E-mails. If you did not do E-mail love, you haven’t experienced true love. (I changed schools and I had to find a way to talk to the love of my life.)

After fooling myself for about a month, I decided to finally agreed to be Gbenga’s girlfriend. The day I said yes to Gbenga, Pelumi told me it would end in tears, and I told her she was just jealous. Gbenga even gave me a promise ring, so what could possibly go wrong? (I’m not that girl from TikTok, I promise)

After two months, Gbenga stopped replying my E-mails. This hurt me a lot, considering the amount of risks involved in sending those E-mails. At that point, I didn’t know what he was doing was called ghosting, and I made different excuses for him. Gbenga, if you see this thing, just know that I swore for you a lot back then. I still do. And I know my God will definitely fight for me.

My delulu phase finally came to an end when Precious, one of my friends from the school came to visit me, and she told me Gbenga gave her a letter to give me. Immediately, my heart did gbim gbim. I couldn’t wait for her to leave so that I would immediately dive into it, but it was as if somebody sent that girl to come and disrupt my wonderful love story, because she did not leave for a long time. Immediately she left, I ran to my room as if something was after my life, and I opened the letter, shaky hands and all, only for me to see it’s not you, it’s me. Newsletter audience, I wanted to craze. I went through different stages of madness right there and then, and for the first time in my life, I cried over a romantic partner.

You would think the story ends there, but no! Gbenga still chased me even after graduation, because tell me why this man used my friend’s phone to call me. He now said I should give him five minutes. Like I said earlier, me and delulu, we’re five and six. In my mind, it was supposed to be like in the movies where then man will ask for five minutes, he’ll now give a one very romantic explanation and we’ll live happily ever after, but alas! I was in for a surprise. Gbenga now said the main reason he broke up with me was because I slept off the last time we talked on a call, and while I was sleeping, I said “I don’t think I really love Gbenga.” Like, am I a baby? Agreed, I used to sleep talk, but I’m one hundred percent sure I did not say anything like that. Even if I had, why did he not confront me? I stood on business though, and I told him to fuck off. But let me not lie, his voice sounded very nice, it was like being wrapped in- I digress.

Anyways, after Gbenga, I had a couple of relationships that all ended in tears. After seeing countless gba opinions from Twitter men especially on topics like rape and domestic violence, my hatred for men intensified and we thank God, here I am today. So yes, I think we need to start killing men. Yes, i’m still attracted to men, and yes, I’ll soon enter another talking stage, but who cares?! Definitely not me.

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CHARITY ACTIVITY FOR THE WEEK: Use deodorants before you leave your house. This country is already hard enough for everybody. Have a wonderful week!