I'm back with Ibrahim.

Calm down, I can explain.

Hello, my wonderful newsletter audience, today, I'm here to ask for help. If you know any good babalawo, let me know.

Shebi you guys remember Ibrahim? That my ex boyfriend that his mummy use to smell like goat? Yes, that one… You know I told you my head was elongating in my last post, I've finally almost transform to horse finish, so I'm trying my best to gather money and go to Dubai so that I can be an aesthetic horse. But that's when I saw Ibrahim with his ugly taxi car.

Ibrahim: Eshin dondo, kutupa kutupa

Me: Shey Ori e o buru?

Ibrahim: Ahnahn! Najwa? Is that you?

I sha told Ibrahim my story, and he said he's going to help me, that I should marry him, he said one of his uncles promised him some money for when he gets married, and you guys know I can't let free money pass me by. Sharp sharp, I said yes, I entered his taxi, and he took me home.

We sha got to his house, and he took me inside to greet his daddy.

Daddy Ibrahim: Ibo lo ti ri esin?

Ibrahim: Daddy, this is the woman I want to marry.

Daddy Ibrahim: She should move closer to me and greet me.

Me: *moves closer.*

Daddy Ibrahim: Bawoni?

Shit! I forgot to wear nose mask! I already forgot that Ibrahim's daddy's mouth use to smell.

Me: Daddy please be talking to me from afar.

Daddy Ibrahim: Move here very well, I can't hear you.

Then mummy Ibrahim entered with her he-goat smell.

Me:

I sha managed to stay in their house because no one else would want to marry me with my horse head, but I bought plenty nose mask. We got married after one week under bridge, and we shared puff puff and fufu, I didn't say anything because I was waiting for the money Ibrahim's uncle promised, and I smiled at him when he came to give Ibrahim envelope, though I laughed at his kwashiorkor head.

After the wedding, I entered Ibrahim's taxi, and that was another suffering entirely. Because I don't have bumbum, and the seat of Ibrahim's taxi is already rubbish, my bumbum was now banging the seat. I almost died but we thank God.

When we got home, I quickly told Ibrahim to open the envelope so that we can see how much his uncle wrote on the cheque because that envelope was very slim, when we opened it, I almost died. Because what is 1,500 doing there? The 1k gan have already tear small.

Shey mi o wa daran bayi?

And one of his aunts use to do charm, if I say I want to leave him, won't she do juju? I even tried to see if the marriage would work but Ibrahim have want to use suffer to kill me.

Me: Ibrahim, let's go and watch Barbie and Oppenheimer.

Ibrahim: With that your Ori esin? Let's wait for three weeks, NetNaija will upload it and I'll download it for you with night sub.

It's only buka that he use to carry me to, he'll even borrow my shirt because we're using the same size. You guys, I need help. I can't leave this marriage because I'm scared of what Ibrahim's aunt will do to me, so if you know any babalawo that will give me strong charm, contact me, plix and tenks, because I've already want to die, I've been smoking since morning because we have been eating eba since we got married. Help me!

In conclusion, don't marry for love. Marry for money.

Bye, kizzes, luv u.