A September to remember.

Abi how do they say that thing again?

Hello, my wonderful newsletter audience. Today, I bring you a summary of how September went and well, it was quite a month. Grab a popcorn, this might be quite long.

But let's start with the incident that pained me the most.

That faithful Thursday, I was going to buy my daily bread-because it's not me and you that will drink coffee and avocado for breakfast-when one uncle came to meet me with his nonsense mic. I first thought it was one of those TikTok people that will say “don't speak into this mic for one minute and I'll buy you whatever you want” I was already thinking of the way I'll spend all his money until he asked me for IUPAC name of elements.

I was so confused, wetin be IUPAC name? ICU? I no even be science student, how am I supposed to know? Me that I'm hungry? God please. In conclusion, if you're going on the road and somebody gives you mic, use it to bang the person's head.

I still got my bread sha because at the end of the day, wetin kosign me? (Cries internally)

Right after that, is another heartbreaking incident. As the consistent babe that I am, I tried to plan ahead for the content to post throughout October, and I already had fifteen drafts. Now, tell me why I open this website to insert my images and I'm seeing empty drafts? How? Where? Why? My wonderful newsletter audience, I cried hot tears that day. Hot tears!

Moving on, let me not forget the werey that I married. You guys, Ibrahim have want to wound me in this house. You people know 2.5gb is no longer 500naira abi? Ibrahim has refused to eat since, to make things worse, NetNaija has been cancelled. He has been moping around since and at this point, I don't know what to do. And he still doesn't have money because tell me why I begged Ibrahim for an aesthetic date, and he took me to bridge because “we are surrounded by art. We don't need to do too much.” He now brought out pap cooler. I drank the pap, of course, but I'm still angry. Then he said he wanted to do letter P in that alphabetic date trend people are doing, and he carried me to petrol station. What's better than inhaling petrol with the love of your life? Dagbana Choco. In short, I wan craze.

Speaking of craze, men are moving mad these days. Don't come and do “not all men" in this place, I go deck you.

Twitter and a lot of other social media platforms have shown me that true true, men are just.. *insert intense cringe.*

Women are broke bozos because they expect you to not want something in return for a little act of kindness? Let me not even get started because I fit craze if I start.

But just so you know, if you have never harassed a girl sexually, you're not special. You're not good. You're just normal, that's what normal people do.

Moving on, I got very invested in African literature this month, and I have to say I love it here even if I cry every 3-5 working days because of the powerful emotions that those books evoke. African writers are top tier.

Let me start by saying it will not be well with Akin and his flat penis. Amin? Amin. This book made me so angry, I had to drop it and take deep breaths to calm down every three to five chapters. Again, it will not be well with Akin and his flat penis. I could literally feel Yejide's frustration throughout the book, and I'll recommend to anyone any day, anytime.

Now, this one. You know the kind of book that will want to make you rip your hair and scream and throw things? This is it. TIBAW made me so livid, but at the same time, I loved it. It will not be well with mama and Gozie. Amin. Let me not start with this one, because I'd go on and on I won't stop. I have a lot of other beautiful African books I'd recommend-maybe I'll do that in a separate post-let me know if you'd like that.

Moving on, I followed Biliqisu to go and beg her husband (that my friend that I matched her husband's head on their wedding day) and they used soup spoon to bang my head simply because I ate their eba. That one is a story for another day, let me not start crying because that Biliqisu is a bad friend.

Did I tell you guys? Daddy Ibrahim is sick. My own problem is he has refused to die. Like hellooo? What are you waiting for? Die and carry your mouth odour away. Personally, I think it's Mummy Ibrahim's body odor that's affecting him, but who am I to insult my in-laws?

I just farted. Plis don't be angry. Tenks.

Moving on, I met a bunch of wonderful, talented women this month, and it feels like I've known them since forever. I just love how women can be cutie patooties while slaying hard. Shout out to Aminat, Christy, Mary Jane, Barakat, Kelechukwu, Chimdi and all the other strong women I bonded with through our love for books (it's not that I don't love the rest of you, there's just no space here.) I love you guys!

I just remembered. Tomorrow is my birthday. Send funds. *Blows powder.* What did you say? You don't have money?

Don't ever say that. You have money, send it to me.

Right now, this is where we are. The goal is to reach 100 subscribers before next year, and you can help me achieve that by subscribing and sharing.

In conclusion, this October, make yourself happy. Go on solo dates, ask that person out(what could possibly go wrong), call your friend that's in another country, fake your death (I'm not responsible for the consequences), kiss a stranger (and if they wozz you, I go too deny you.)

Till next time, byee. Tenks and God bless. Nothing feels better that using someone else's data. Smiles in sister power.